For Immediate Release
By: Emery Chong
According to inside sources Stephen Harper is mad at Rob Ford.
Toronto Mayor Rob Ford’s crack pipe scandal wasn’t enough to shake his metropolitan supporters. But his recent admission that he smoked “a lot of pot†has long serving conservative Prime Minister Stephen Harper wondering “wtf am I gonna do with this guy”?
Although not a federal politician, Rob Ford and Prime Minister Harper are natural allies, until recently.
“I can’t have a Conservative running around doing bongs and crack,†Mr. Harper recently told himself while practicing the piano. “Just steal some money like the rest of us.â€
The Prime Minister continues to face additional hurdles to being re-elected in 2015. On top of the senate scandal and gross incompetence on matters relating to criminal justice, immigration, the environment and well, just about everything, Stephen Harper now faces a country that is growing increasingly tired of the war on drugs.
“Criminalizing people who like to get high and have a bit of fun has always been one of Mr. Harper’s favourite pastimes,†noted longtime Harper admirer and Canadian citizen, Pierre Poutine. “Rob Ford seriously screwed that up.â€
Pamela Wallin, embroiled in the senate scandal, is outraged at the relative ease with which Ford is getting away with his crimes.
“I stole a lot of money,†she recently said somewhere, according to some source. “I mean, like a whole sh**load of cash. But I don’t hang out with gangsters and hippies. And somehow I’m the one the RCMP is after. BullSH**!â€
Her comments have not gone unheard. A recent poll by a firm that does that sort of thing found that almost 3% of Canadians agree that stealing should be perfectly legal, while only 81% think a criminal record for recreational drug use doesn’t make any sense.
Interestingly, another poll found that 7.8% percent of people polled actually believe Rob Ford is either Stephen Harper in disguise or a giant panda bear escaped from China.
Only time will tell.
Source: Potato Press NPC: August 2013
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